There’s nothing that screams college life like pulling an all-nighter. Most of the time.
In this case, the scream in question that was coming from the Medical School building snapped the group into action, led by the unexpected but timely return of Dolores, fresh from the San Francisco Luchador Con. Leaving the rest of the group behind, Dolores sprinted into the building and was able to find the source of the scream.
Artist rendition of Dolores running
In a robotics storeroom lay Pauline, battered, broken, and bitten, but alive. Dolores arrived just in time to see a hoard of monkeys fleeing the scene via the ventilation duct (yes, an actual hoard, I’m not exaggerating…you don’t know, you weren’t there). And not just any monkeys; armored monkeys.
After some first-aid by Dolores and a successful Laying on of Hands by Hanziezel, Dolores and Chaz took Pauline to the emergency room for treatment. Being a hospital near Oakland, the intake nurse was a.) unlikely to spot the immediate difference between being attacked by a dog and being attacked by a monkey, and b.) grateful to work on something besides a gunshot wound.
This lady ran out of fucks to give in 2014
Meanwhile, Ebb and Hanziezel headed for the security office in the Admin building, intending to review camera footage for evidence of the crime and possibly erase evidence of their presence as well. Ebb, having seen lockpicking on more than one YouTube video, successfully bypassed the alarm system and successfully gained access to the building. He even more successfully locked them in the building. Accessing the security camera footage revealed a few clues:
- The camera for the storeroom went dark about the time the monkeys arrived.
- The camera in the facilities building went dark about fifteen minutes before that.
- The cameras that were affected were controlled by somewhere other than the security office.
Having learned all they could from the cameras, the pair looked for an escape. Settling on a first-floor window, Ebb’s sub-optimal cat burglar skills would allow them to escape but also would set off the alarm that would inevitably bring the police. So, like anyone else in their position would do they ran away, vowing to return later after the heat was…
(touches earpiece)…what? They didn’t? They ran though, right? Ok. And hid? No. They ran to break into the Facilities building? With the police already on the way. Oh…
…as I was saying, they ran to the facilities building while Hanziezel texted Chas and Ebb their plans (she’s Divine, she can do these sorts of things). They all arrived at the same time (about 3 am) to a predictably locked door that remained predictably locked after attempting to pick the lock. Hanziezel then smote the door with the power of God’s love (or something). This had the benefit of placing the door clearly in a state of “Open” but it would never again enjoy the state of “Closed” or really even the categorization of “Door” but these things happen. In addition, the building alarms were set off, ensuring that if there weren’t already a whole bunch of police on their way (there were), then there would be now.
So of course they escaped to safety ran into the building to investigate. Having found a maintenance access hatch leading into the steam tunnels, the hunters headed in and down into the dark, cramped tunnels.
Yeah it makes my claustrophobia bark too…
Brief respite was found in the form of a maintenance office of sorts, basically a wider spot in the tunnel with more headroom. As they searched for useful objects they were attacked by the aforementioned hoard of monkeys. To top it off, the little buggers were clad in mech armor and armed with rail guns.
With laughter that could generously be called “gleeful” but more realistically described as “maniacal,” Dolores opened up with her assault rifle, tearing through one group of mech-monkeys.
The bad news: The monkeys retaliated with their rail guns.
The good news: The rail guns were not loaded with slugs but with whatever the monkeys could find.
The less good news: What they mostly found was monkey crap.
We will now pause for a moment of silence as we consider what it must have been like for Dolores to have been hit by high-velocity monkey feces.
…
Thank you.
A prolonged, very loud, very violent, very fecal battle commenced, ending with many dead monkeys, two sleeping monkeys, and Chas coming very close to being monkey-daddy’d to death.
Kind of like this, but 30 of them
Deciding that it was time to leave, Hanziezel confidently led the group out of the steam tunnels, and into the waiting arms of many, many law enforcement officers.
